Don’t find yourself, create yourself

Am I in here?

Photo by Geran de Klerk on Unsplash

'Look within you, discover who you really are.’

‘Be true to yourself.’

‘The truth lies within.’

We hear this sort of thing all the time. We’re urged to look inside ourselves to discover our true, authentic self, and then to live our lives in a way which is consistent with that self.

There is value in this, however I think the idea of a ‘true self’ is an illusion.

I have a tendency to catastrophise, to extrapolate from a small issue into a worst case scenario, and work myself up into a lather of anxiety. I am also indecisive and easily distracted, flitting from one shiny idea to the next.

This is my authentic self. It runs right to the core of who I am.

I can also be strong, in control of my mind, and clear-headed. I am capable of tremendous focus when I want to be, and have been consistently committed to becoming a writer.

This is also my authentic self.

Which of these ‘mes’ should I be true to? They are both ‘who I truly am’.

As well as being multifaceted, our ‘true self’ also changes with time. When I was eighteen I wanted to be a neurosurgeon. Now I want to be a writer. In ten years time I may want something else. Following your true self is like following an ever-shifting map. Which ‘self’ should I be true to? Me now, me ten years ago, me in a decade’s time?

The obvious answer is: be true to the best aspects of yourself. But why limit yourself just to traits or ambitions which are currently internal to you? There is a whole world to choose from.

Instead of looking inward to find our true selves, what if we looked outward? Look at people you admire, look at characters from literature, look at all the other possible selves that we could be. Pick your dream self from all these fragments, and assemble it piece by piece.

Don’t find yourself, create yourself.

This post was heavily inspired by Michael Puett’s wonderful book The Path - Chinese philosophical thought on how to live well. Highly recommended.